Hair Issues & Paint Wars
by YunCyn
Summary: Moral: Don't try to dye Sanzo's hair. OOCness.


Hair Issues & Paint Wars

**A/N: **Inspired by the countless fics by Icka! M. Chif. Her humour, we salute! Me thinks I have too much free time... If this doesn't seem anything like Sanzo and company, it's not supposed to. Definitely OOC and all flames will go to roasting marshmallows. Icka, if you ever read this, please don't hit me on the head with a mallet. It's awfully painful and I need my head for school....

**Disclaimer:** Nothin belongs to me. Except the cat and dog, poor things...

-ººº-

It was a quiet night. Unusual for Sanzo and party since half their time was spent fighting, killing, maiming youkai and maybe breaking a few bones in the process. But, tonight was quiet in that particular village. There were no other taboo children to protect, no youkai to fight and no other women for Gojyo to seduce. (since Sanzo had given him _the_ look and said in a perfectly serious tone that there would be NO shenanigans this time. How many times had he brought women to his bed only to find that that woman was connected to some assassin youkai?)

So, after Goku and Gojyo had finished their daily routine of "Haraheta...." "You're always hungry, bakasaru!" "NANI?! ERO KAPPA!" and "URUSAI!", the four settled down, empty bowls and dishes on the wooden table. There was no rain so there weren't any angst-ridden memories haunting the blonde and the brunette with the monocle. There was only a sky with a crescent moon in it, complete with a few wispy clouds. The inn was completely empty sans the owner. But he wasn't counted since he was snoring behind the counter.

Goku suddenly had the image of Kougaiji and gang passing through his head. It reminded him of the time where Lilin and three other youkai (not too bright ones at that) had tried (the key word being _tried_) to actually beat them. He looked at the monk who was smoking.

"Ne, Sanzo. Is Lilin really your girlfr-"

CLICK.

"If you enjoy living then you'll stop right there and not continue."

Goku shut his lips when another thought slammed into his mind. He opened his mouth again.

"Why does she keep calling you baldie anyway? You've got a whole head of hair."

Gojyo guffawed. "Can you imagine the corrupted monk being bald?!"

Hakkai couldn't keep the mental picture out of his head and started laughing. Sanzo's forehead throbbed and twitched.

BLAM! BLAM!

The owner of the inn looked up to find two holes in his roof. "That's gonna cost you."

"Hm."

Shrugging, he went back to sleep. Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku tried not to snicker. Sanzo glared at them and raised his Smith & Wessons. "Anyone who dares to touch my hair WILL get a bullet in the head."

All three nodded innocently. Too innocently, he thought. Genjo Sanzo wasn't easily, if at all, frightened. But the looks Gojyo and Goku had unnerved him.

_I think I'll sleep downstairs for the night..._

-ººº-

Epilogue

It was rather dark when Sanzo heard the muffled snickers. He glanced around without moving his head and suddenly remembered that he was downstairs sleeping since he didn't trust the other three jokers.

Okay, maybe Hakkai but NOT the other two.

He opened his eyes to a slit and silently reached for his gun. The snicker instantly stopped as he felt shadows loom over him. He heard a familiar voice whisper.

"On three."

Sanzo suddenly had a panicked moment where he actually thought his three 'servants' had succumbed to the minus wave and had turned against him. Although loathe to admit, he would find it hard to kill them should the need arise.

VERY hard but not impossible, he supposed. He tensed up and gripped his gun a little harder.

"One...two...three!"

At the same time, Sanzo whirled around, jumped over the shadows making them spill something and landed on his feet, his back to them. He heard splashes and a bottle crashing to the floor. Sanzo, gun in hand, turned around slowly-

And tried his best not to laugh.

Covered in various shades of shocking pink, neon orange and lime green were Goku and Gojyo. Black ink also covered their hair while broken bottles littered the floor. Hakkai had come running at the sound of breaking bottles and screeched to a halt beside Sanzo. He stared at the two and smiled. Sanzo replaced the gun into his robe, stifling a very strong urge to burst out laughing.

"You tried to dye his hair?"

Goku glared at Gojyo. "It was HIS fault! He said if we couldn't shave Sanzo, we might as well dye his hair!"

"ME?! You're the one who found the paints AND snickered so loudly!"

"ERO KAPPA! You were the one who counted so loudly!"

"NANI?! BAKASARU!"

As the two argued with animated hand movements, the still wet paint on their arms flicked all over Hakkai and Sanzo.

They definitely didn't look good in those colours.

The two looked at each other through the corner of their eyes. Hakkai grinned, bent down and scooped some spilt paint from the floor into his hand. Sanzo did the same.

"Oi, saru."

"Eh, Gojyo!"

The two turned around. "Na-WAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

*SPLAT! SPLAT!*

"This, means, WAR!"

*SPLAT!*

"HOI! WHO'RE YOU AIMING FOR?!"

*Woosh!* *SPLAT!*

"HAH! Missed!"

*SPLAT!*

"In your face, Gojyo!"

*SPLAT!*

"Kyuu!"

"OI! Whoever threw that at Hakuryu gets it from me!"

*SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!*

"You were saying Hakkai?"

*SPLAT! SPLAT!*

"Bullseye!"

-ººº-

The next day, four unusually coloured travelers hit the road in an equally unusually coloured jeep. Anyone who stared got three smouldering glares and a look that said not to push it. It was enough to make the people turn their eyes away, whistle an innocent tune and walk as far and as fast as possible from the Sanzo-ikkous as they humanly could. Gojyo and Sanzo had stopped berating and pummeling Goku for using paints that weren't easily removable by water. Luckily for him, Hakkai had noticed on one of the broken pieces of the paint bottles that it would probably come out in a day or so if applied to skin. At least he'd be able to scrub Hakuryu when he changed back into the adorable white dragon.

Goku unwisely tried to make conversation.

"You know, Sanzo, you look pretty good in pink."

*WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!*

"URUSAI!"

"Itai...."

Silence followed for a while. Then Hakkai smirked.

"Sanzo, dyeing the owner's dog blue wasn't exactly funny."

The other two stared in dumbfounded silence.

"You should see what I did with the cat." he deadpanned.

Three minutes passed before Goku and Gojyo let out howls of laughter as they suddenly remembered what blue streak was chasing a yellow and green blur that morning.

**End.**


End file.
